Clean Parenting: Quick Start Program

I just joined Eliane Sainte-Marie's Quick Start Program: An introduction to clean parenting. And I'm working on it at a coffee shop on a Friday night for "me" time, because this kind of stuff is right up my ally. I generally like my actions to be in-line with my convictions. One of my bigger struggles with parenting is when I'm not sure what my convictions are.

We are Christ-followers, and we want our boys to know God's love, grace, and presence as they grow. I have struggled with much of what is labeled as “Christian” parenting advice that focuses on forcing obedience. After much prayer in dealing with some intense emotional issues with our oldest, I stumbled upon Parenting for Wholeness as well as Janet Lansbury's blog on Respectful Infant Education and have read a couple of her books now. These approaches, while in no way overtly Christian, in-practice are so much more in-line with the fruits of the Spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-control), and they feel right to me. This is how I want to raise my children. I want children that I have a close relationship with who obey out of love, not out of fear or manipulation. And I fully believe that’s what God wants in a relationship with us, too. Still, I struggle on difficult days and fall back into demanding obedience and threatening spankings when I am frustrated. It seems this program and group could help support me in how to walk this walk practically, day-to-day and provide community for troubleshooting tough spots. My hope is that it will help me grow more confident and at ease in my parenting and that I will grow in grace for myself as well as for my children.

I also hope to work through some of my theological parenting questions. Like how to respond to sin and disobedience in light of God's grace?


Day 1: Intentions

I want our home to feel warm and welcoming, at ease and joyful. I want to find a relaxed daily rhythm where parents and children feel secure that their needs will be met through times of connectedness and times of quiet.

I want my children to feel secure in our love, that they belong and contribute, to feel respected and that there is space for their feelings. I want them to feel at ease and feel that they can talk to us about anything. I want them to feel supported. I want us to all all be cheerleaders for one another and friends.

I want the boys to act lovingly, respectfully, wholeheartedly, aware of and thoughtful of others, because that is what I hope to model to them.

I want our home to be a place where we can all make mistakes and grow. I pray that mistakes and even outright disobedience can be met with humility, compassion and grace rather than guilt and shame.

As the boys grow, I want them to feel mature and capable, secure in their abilities, decision-making, and feelings. I want them to feel equipped to do whatever they are called to do in this world and to know the unique strengths God has gifted them with. I pray that they will grow into respectful, loving, mature men who are close friends with one another.

He wants to give us much better gifts.

A key step in my journey of coming to faith in Christ was the realization that, contrary to my previously held beliefs, obeying God's word would bring me fulfillment, joy, wisdom, and LIFE.

I used to believe, and sometimes still struggle with believing, that following God's word would DEPRIVE me of the things I desired.

[[ Well, I guess I should say that there's actually some truth to that...! ]]

But here's the important caveat, what I've learned is that God does not ask us to lay down things we desire to deprive us, but rather TO GIVE US MUCH BETTER GIFTS.

Here is a vision a friend once shared:

She was wearing a long old coat and it was very cold outside. She wrapped her arms around herself and was so thankful to have the coat. Then God asked her to take off the coat and give it to Him. 

She was upset.

She was mad!

She was thankful for the coat and loved it and did not want to take it off on this very cold day!! She would be cold without her coat! Why would God ask her to do this? 

After some coaxing, she somewhat regretfully took off the coat and handed it to God.

He then wrapped her in the softest, warmest, most luxurious coat you can imagine. 

She received the beautiful new coat with surprise and joy. And then she understood.  

--

I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness.

Jesus' words from John 10:10

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart

Psalm 37:4

--

What has God asked you to take off that you want to hold onto? It is impossible to imagine what blessings He wants to give you that you will not be able to receive until you let go. 

I'm an Internet Addict.

I'm an internet addict. I confess. Email. Facebook. Pinterest. Blogs. I could spend my whole day on the internet most days. I imagine it's a bit like a gambling addiction. I want to keep checking and checking on the off chance that I'll be rewarded-- with a new email, a new Facebook interaction, something new to read.

The internet is an idol in my life. I worship it with my time. It's an idol I often put before God, my responsibilities, and my children. This is starting to sound a bit uglier now.

God started making me aware of my idol about a year and a half ago. I was finding it hard to talk to God. Every time I tried to spend time alone with God, I felt very strongly distracted by my iPad or my computer. Not that I wanted to check my email or something in that moment, it was just a strong picture of a device in my head every time I tried to focus on praying. It was like a prayer's version of writer's block. Eventually, I realized that this was God's way of telling me that I had a problem that He wanted me to deal with. I am very thankful that God can be so patient while I work these things out.

I worked up the courage to make my confession to Hubby, because I knew I'd need his help in addressing my addiction. A price increase for our ISP was a tipping point / opportunity for me. With Hub's support, I cancelled our internet.

It was very eye opening to have no internet at home, as it is the place where I spend most of my time. I do not have 3G or 4G on my phone, so it was really, truly no internet at home for me. I became so much more productive at home, because in all the moments where I would have been looking down at my computer reading, thinking, dreaming, ignoring my children, I started looking up and around and began cleaning, organizing, reading more to my kids and so forth. To my amazement, we had many days where all laundry was clean and put away for the first time in who knows when. Ironically, I even took on and completed my first web design project in years during this no-internet-at home time frame. (Check it out: www.dagcamera.com).

I was happier with no internet at home. But it was a bit complicated, too. I have responsibilities that rely on internet access. And it's my primary way of staying in touch with a number of friends. Not to mention the website I was building. I would try to go somewhere to check my email and deal with any responsibilities at least once a day -- the library or a coffee shop, which usually meant I would leave the boys at home with Mike at some point in the evening so that I could get some things done. My internet usage became much more intentional. I made a prioritized list of things I needed to get done in the amount of time I had, and at best I might have a few minutes left to get on Facebook before heading home. Thankfully, it was summer at the time, so I was able to hire a neighbor girl to come watch the boys a few mornings so I could put in some blocks of work on the website during the day. These were wonderful, refreshing times for me where I felt I could get work done and get a break from the kids. But the evening internet excursions were complicated for our family. And sometimes Hubby needs to work from home. No internet at home is not a sustainable situation for our family at this point in time.

We were internet-less for about a month before we switched to a new ISP. I remember feeling VERY bored with the internet when we got it back. I could SEE what a waste of time it can be. So I was still pretty productive at home for awhile. But addictions/idols are tricky and like to seep back into our lives if we give them a chance.

A few months ago I asked Hubby if we could get rid of internet at home again once our third son was born. I knew I would need help again. He said, "no" because he needs access for work reasons in the mornings and evenings (and because we both really missed being able to watch Netflix together at night). But he also said that he could block internet during the day! It's been over a month now. Maybe two or three months even. It's wonderful. I mean, it's sometimes frustrating, but overall it's wonderful. We have been playing around with the times a bit, and right now internet is blocked from 8:15am to 5:45pm on weekdays. That covers most of Hub's work day, as he usually leaves before 8am and comes home around 6pm. Sometimes the internet is off before I'm even out of bed. I don't think I'm as productive as I was during our internet-free month, but I'm definitely more present at home during the day. And I'm doing more with people. And I'm getting better about making phone calls. These are all things I had been praying about for years since becoming a stay-at-home mom. It's funny how God goes about answering prayers sometimes.

I definitely have plenty of evenings where I am SO ready to check out on the internet. So some nights I do hide in the office and respond to emails and zone out of Facebook and read mom blog after mom blog. And some weekends, I waste wayyyy too much time online. But it's not a day-in-day out trap for me anymore. And many of my habits are changing. I now enjoy eating breakfast in the kitchen while watching the boys play without feeling an incessant need to go online. It feels normal, but I know it's new. And I like it. Moreover, I've been able to hear God a lot more clearly these days as I've made efforts to put this idol aside. And that is awesome.

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And yes, I realize it's ironic that I'm blogging about an internet addiction. But I've also learned that I don't need internet access to be able to write (type).

Write, write, write

It's summer. Here are some things we've been doing to try to stay sane...

Scheduled weekly date nights all summer long. It's an expense, but it's a definitely a good investment. Last night was (our own personal) Battle of the Nachos at the Great Dane. We decided we didn't love either of their nacho flavors, but the weather was perfect, the Pepsi was good, they had gluten free hard cider on tap, and the deck was a lovely place to visit and plan more dates.

Taking the kids outside A LOT. Neighborhood park, splash park, kiddie pool in our backyward, walks, camping with friends. We are talking a little about buying a pop-up camper (someday) and trying to spending most weekends camping while it's nice out. I was always a tent camper and never thought I'd be a pop-up/RV kind of person, but after having two kids, my definition of comfortable sleeping arrangements has changed dramatically. I am thankful that the weather has been amazingly wonderful for playing outside almost every day.

Letting things go. I usually can't tell if I'm completely spoiling my kids or being too hard on them. Maybe I'm doing a lot of both. Having an almost-3-year-old in the house is a completely new challenge for me, and I don't have the hang of it yet. So I'm trying hard to let things (my preferences) go that don't really matter. It would be nice if the kids ate a nice round lunch and supper every day, but if sharing a fruit and yogurt smoothie with them for one meal a day means one meal with no battles and no plates full of food uneaten or thrown on the floor, then so be it! (Plus, I love smoothies, too.) I am thankful for some friends and neighbors who have assured me that their oldest child is always their most challenging.

Rejoined the gym. I was hesitant to do this in the summer, but I'm still working on strengthening my knee, and it's been WONDERFUL to be able to drop the kids to play AND get some exercise and adult socialization at the same time. Tate used to have a hard time at the gym child care, but he actually asked me to go there once this week and is really enjoying it! So it's a win-win-win. Also, I think it will be fun to take Mike there for a workout class some evening for date night. I'm thankful that we live near a gym with childcare and that a membership is affordable for us, especially with the discount our insurance offers!!

Practicing gratitude. I have a tendency to get negative, critical, and bitter about things easily, even if I've pretty much had a great day. It's so easy for me to dwell on the 10 minutes to one hour of the day where one or both kids was screaming / tantrum-ing / not sleeping / not listening and get in a funk, instead of being thankful for the sunshine, trees and birds, that we get to spend time together every day and outside every day, that we have yummy food to eat, fresh water, healthy kids, and a God who knows us and loves us and is always with us. I'm trying to spend time intentional time being thankful to help keep perspective.

Reading uplifting blogs also helps:
http://barrentobeautiful.wordpress.com/
http://mrsgoresdiary.com/
I am thankful for uplifting blogs.

That's it. Nothing thrilling, but that's what I'm up to, and it feels good to write, even if it's quotidian.

Got Jesus?

Oh, to be an evangelical Christian in a liberal American city. I know how awkward the proselytizing can be because I was the observer and recipient of it before I became one of these "unstable born-agains." Very awkward indeed. Especially now to be on the flip side of it.

I have a hard time expressing to you why you need Jesus in a way that makes sense to you even though I know you need Jesus in my mind and deep down in my soul. After all, we Christians believe some things that are hard to believe.*

But what I can do is to express what Jesus means to me. What he has done in my life.

In my marriage. I am so thankful I came to know Jesus before getting married. Jesus provides my husband and I with a wellspring of forgiveness to draw from. We can get mad at each other. But we both know we are messed up and have been deeply forgiven , so it is natural to forgive each other when we fall short. Jesus shows us that love is an action (not just a feeling) and he is a model to look to in putting others before yourself, servant leadership.

In my anxiety. I was an anxious person before I knew Jesus. I took a step towards God as I learned about Jesus and God proved himself faithful as my perfect provider. He took care of all the "big" things I was worried about  (where to live, finding a job, not getting evicted from an apartment due to my barky poodle) in ways that I would never have imagined. Nowadays many of those "big" things I used to worry about don't phase me at all because... I just trust God for them. Because He's already shown me He's faithful.

In parenthood. Because I know the God who loves me loves my children even more than I possibly can. I know he will guide us in wisdom as we lead them and forgive us and bring healing when we mess up. If anything ever happens to my husband and me, I know God will still be there for our kids. I know they are really his kids, anyway, and that brings me great peace, rest, and joy.

In death. I have peace about death and eternity. I know I have the Holy Spirit in me and have seen his evidence in my life. I know I will be with Jesus when I die and raised with him at the resurrection. (See, we believe some weird things). Of course, I can worry about some of the details of how I will die, etc. But overall, I know this world is not the be all and end all, and that makes this life a lot less stressful, too.

In my identity. My value is not in what I do or don't do, but on who I am to God. Because of Jesus, I am received as a beloved daughter of God. I know He's created me with unique gifts through which I can reflect his awesomeness to others, and that makes me happy.

In the world. Freedom from the world's expectations. God's my daddy. He's the only one I'm responsible to. I wish walking this out were as easy as saying it, but it's awesomely refreshing to know. The expectations He puts on my are often much less than I would put on myself (also less than the world or my family would put on me).

As I grow. God is the source and support in maturing into the woman he created me to be. He causes me to grow in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control.

I doubt I'm going to convince anyone, but I'm going to keep sharing and keep praying, because I want you to know Jesus, too. ...Awkward and annoying as that may sound.

--

*Yup. Our God became the bastard son of an unmarried teenager and was part of an oppressed ethnic group in his day. After casting demons out of people, miraculously healing others, hanging out with prostitutes, and ticking off religious leaders (of his own religion) while teaching about the kingdom of God for a few years, he was publicly executed for blasphemy. (Now that is ironic). He died. (The Romans were good at killing people). In dying, he paid the debt for our sins to satisfy a loving and just God. Then he rose from the dead in victory over sin and death, appeared to his friends and to hundreds of other witnesses and eventually ascended into heaven where he's hanging out with God until his impending return.

He did this to restore Shalom. To restore us to relationship with God, with each other, and with creation (the world).

I don't know how to say that in a way that doesn't sound unbelievable. But it's what the Bible says. It's history. It's true. And it's good news for all who hear it and believe.

Confidence in What We Hope For and Assurance About What We Do Not See

Not a "real" blog entry today. Just sharing a favorite chapter of the Bible. 

Hebrews 11

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.

By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.

By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family.By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised;they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.

By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.

By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.

By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones.

By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.

By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.

By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.

By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah,about David and Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

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When we trust our God, we aren't acting in a blind faith. He has proved himself again and again and again to his people throughout history. And he wants his people to remember this. --Lauren

Simplifying

I always find lists of things that people have done to simplify their lives inspirational and occasionally adopt or modify a practice or two for our home and lives, so I thought I'd brainstorm what has worked for me and share.

First off, if you are in a place in your life where you are desiring to simplify, take a moment to be thankful. If simplifying is of concern to you, you are likely in a more privileged position than most people in the world. That is a blessing and you are likely in a wonderful position to bless others as you simplify (which may result in joy for both parties).

Here are some things that have worked for our family. A few disclaimers (there should be more): I am definitely not perfect, things are not always simple here, and I'm usually the one who makes things too complicated in this household.

Clothes and "Stuff"

1. Get rid of clothes you don't wear. If you have a hard time getting rid of clothes, put ones you don't wear "away" in a bin. Date the bin. After a year, any clothes you haven't taken out of the bin to wear in the previous year can be donated.
2. Put away seasonal clothes in the off-season. This is highly relevant for folks who live in a place like Wisconsin. No need to dig through piles of shorts to find your jeans every day in the middle of winter. Put them away for six months! The same goes for seasonal or outgrown kids' clothes. Put them away and stop digging through the excess every day.
3. Reduce the number of toys your children have by a lot. This results in a lot less cleaning up every day for you and the kids, and your kids will likely enjoy the toys that remain more and be less stressed out themselves. For more info on how to do this and the benefits, check out the book, "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne.
4. Reduce or rotate kids' books. This was a most wonderful epiphany for me. I can put away books that I don't like reading to the kids. I can also rotate books in and out. It seems like having fewer books out at a time generates more interest in the ones available, and I have actually spent more time reading to the kids since implementing this strategy. You could even get rid of all your kid books if you like to visit the library frequently. 
5. Reevaluate rooms in your home for efficiency. Do you really need six frying pans? Do you ever use more than four at a time? Maybe you only use all six during the holidays -- can you set two aside somewhere out of the way until then? Are you ever going to use the 30 bars of hotel soap that you've collected over your lifetime? Donate them to the food pantry.
6. Plan a "get rid of stuff" day. My husband and I like to do this a few times a year. We'll try to pare down the number of bins of stuff we each have in the basement or challenge each other to get rid of more books than the other person. Selling things on Craigslist, taking books to a used bookstore, or planning a garage sale may be a motivator for you. Otherwise, donating to Goodwill, setting items on the curb with a "free" sign, or trashing them are valid options!
7. How to deal with junk mail. Sometimes catalogs come in the mail, and I spend time flipping through them. I have to remind myself that I am choosing to be bombarded with those ads as I flip  through when I can just as easily toss the whole thing in the recycle bin. I also learned recently that I can choose to "unsubscribe" from junk mailings that I receive regularly by contacting the sending party. Sometimes this is as easy as filling out an online form e.g. Charter: https://connect.charter.com/cas/portal/settings/privacy.aspx. The same goes for junk email. You can always unsubscribe rather than filtering through it every day.
   
   Meals and Meal Planning
8. Establish a pantry if you have room for it. Stocking up on pantry items when they are on sale and having them on hand makes it much easier to whip together a meal with fewer trips to the grocery store.
9. Get a deep freezer if you can afford it / have room for it. Being able to buy meat, cheese, and veggies in bulk when they are on sale and having them on hand has the same benefit as a pantry.
10. Meal plan. It can take some effort to find out what works for your family. For us, I find that planning 2-4 suppers a week is sufficient. We have oatmeal, bananas, and eggs on hand for breakfasts and lunches are usually simple things like sandwiches or leftovers. If I make a meal plan for two weeks (some people do once a month), I can do one grocery trip to get everything we need. At worst, I have to make one additional trip just for milk or produce (or ice cream). This is much less work than making lots of last minute trips to the store for "just a few things" especially when you have little ones in tow!
11. Learn some crock pot recipes. You will soon come to learn its amazing properties.
12. Learn some freezer meals / double or triple meals. I never make one meatloaf anymore. I always make two or three at a time. Or two meatloaves and some meatballs. Then I cook one and freeze the rest. Make extra crock pot pulled pork or beef. Casseroles. And so forth. It's such a relief to be able to pull a meal out of the freezer and toss it in the oven on those nights when you just don't have time to cook!
    
    Life, Relationships, and Soul
13. Equip your kids to 'help' / be independent where they can. Based on the Montessori approach, I try to find developmentally appropriate tasks for my two year old to do that are also actually helpful to me. For example, in his play kitchen are his actual plates, cups, forks, and spoons. He can bring his own dishes to the table for every meal. He can put away his own dishes when we unload the dishwasher. He is also learning to clear his place at the table and to load his dishes and all silverware into the dishwasher. He is learning to take off his own coat and shoes and put them in the closet. All of these are little things, but he enjoys doing them, and they are a big help to me!
14. Spend less; give more. Inspired by the Jesus and the Advent Conspiracy, I can now walk around the mall at Christmastime with a restful spirit. I no longer feel pressured to buy *something* for someone because I *need* to get them a gift. I do spend my time trying to decide on a meaningful gift rather than finding a sweater in the right size and color. This might still mean buying something off of someone's "list," it might mean making a gift, or giving the gift of time, but it is done from a very different spirit than the pressure and hubbub of commercialized holidays.
    
    "The most powerful, memorable gift you can give to someone else is yourself. And nobody modeled this more than Jesus. So what does this look like for you? Tickets to a ball game or the theater? A movie night? The main point is simple: When it comes to spending time with those you love, it's all about quality, not quantity."
    
    
15. Discover your gifts, passions, and temperament. Learning more about how God created me has helped me accept who I am, appreciate my strengths and understand my weaknesses. I am learning what energizes me and what drains me. This information helps me evaluate opportunities as a good fit,  an opportunity to grow, or possibly just not a good fit for me! And that is wonderfully freeing! I don't have to be a good fit in every role, and that's OK! It's also OK for me to try something for awhile to determine if it's a good fit.
16. Spend time doing things that are life-giving. I say this in the context of being a very exhausted, sleep-deprived mom. With some hesitation, I recently joined the "take-down" crew at my church (we meet in a middle school). I had a desire to serve and thought the position would be a great fit for me, but I hesitated to join because I wasn't sure I wanted to make the commitment on top of my exhaustion. I gave it a try and felt very energized afterwards. More energized than if I had just spent the hour resting or eating brunch with my family. Sometimes doing "more" can actually result in more energy and less stress than doing "less." It can take some trial and error to find that balance, but it's worth it!
17. Find people you can be authentic with and spend time with them. We are not meant to go through life alone, and it's stressful to go through life without being able to be open and honest with people. Case in point, meeting with a group of moms and realizing that I'm not the only one who sometimes feels frustrated or bored in dealing with a two year old (who I also love to death) all day, every day was a huge relief to me.
18. Accept that God knows you completely and (still) loves you. This allows you to be completely honest with yourself and with God. It may freak some people out that God already knows (has always known) everything about them, but there is much freedom here. You can approach Him without any sort of front. With your ugliest emotions and thoughts and "secrets." And you will be accepted. And you will be loved. Note, this does not mean that God doesn't want you to grow and change. He wants you to grow and change precisely because he loves you, like any good parent wants their children to grow and change. Also, when you are rooted and established in God's love for you, it frees you from being so concerned about what other people think. This is something I'm still working on in my life. 

I hope you found something here helpful or inspirational. I may add to this list as additional practice come to mind. I would love to hear what you've found that works for you!